We had to use little to no water in the house , so we couldn't really bathe. I remember that my family even had to wear the same clothes during the same week. It was embarrassing, but I understood that my mother was fighting for our survival on her own. My dad? Let's just say he was in the picture, but he wasn't a father. Not to me anyways. My dad did things that nobody in my family knew. There were times when my three older brothers would not be at home and it would be just me, my mother, and father. He would take my brothers' absence as the opportunities to abuse my mom verbally and physically. Hitting her with objects and threatening her. At that time I was much younger so I couldn't do much but sit and watch. My mother wasn't the only girl in his life that he had broken.

  My father broke my heart before any guy had a chance to. I wasn't even aware of the looks he would give me at times when I would sit in the living room, or talking with my mom or playing with my brothers. He would just sit there and watch without saying a word. Staring in a way that made me uncomfortable; nobody else noticed. I didn't know what he was planning behind those stares because I didn't know what was was going through his head during moment. It was revealed on day when I was home with my dad and few of his friends (no mom or brothers present). Things happened that I have fought so hard to forgive them for. My love for life and my childhood was ruined because of him and his friends. My father was supposed to be a protector, good leader, and role model - since he wasn't those things it became hard for me to trust anyone anymore. 
  By the age of 15, my father had suffered a stroke and became very dependent on my mother who had health issues of her own. She struggled with heart failure which led her to be hospitalized multiple times. She began to sink deep into depression and wither away. Saying "Good Morning" or just a simple "hey mommy" wouldn't be acknowledged by her more as time went on. She's been sick for a long time while taking care of me, my brothers and my father. It was Friday, November 30, 2018 when my mother passed away. I can recall every detail about that day. She passed in her sleep. I remember placing my ear on her chest hoping to hear a heartbeat but there was no sound. It took a while for this reality of her being gone to settle in. I recall the ambulance, sheriff, cop cars, and flashing lights at our come to get her but I paid no mind to it. I blamed myself despite people telling me it wasn't my fault. I felt guilty and had many question about what I could have done differently. I was the one to sing at her funeral as a apology for not being able to save her. 

  A few months after my mother passed, everything went down hill. Bills continued to pile up, I tried my best to keep the house clean, and took on the responsibility of taking care of my dependent father. I was limited as to what I could accomplish completely from the wheelchair, which was in bad shape also. CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved, but I didn't feel like they were interested in helping. They would show up unannounced after my school day and asked the same questions and then leave. But it did come to a point where things got so bad that they did notice the environment was too bad for my dad to live in. He was moved to a nursing home. Without my dad being there things were still hard. One of my brother worked and struggled to make money so we would not lose the house. A company called Trillium offered to clean up our home for us: I had to be placed into a temporary home while my brothers were placed at a hotel for the week the cleaning took place. Though it was a household full of strangers these weren't ordinary strangers. As soon as I entered that household I heard a voice that said "this is where I belong"

  I stayed with the most awesome, loving, God-filled woman, Shenikqua Morgan, and her family for 3 days. During the stay we were getting to know each other, and I learned about her love for helping children with disabilities like me and it made me feel special. It made me feel like I was meant to be there with her because we clicked so fast and so amazingly, it was like a fairytale. But during the stay, I was removed from her house because the home care facility that was assigned to my case said she didn't have a certain license to take care of me. I thank God that I exchanged numbers with Mrs. Morgan before I was removed because if I didn't, I would have lost her forever. After my doctor's appointment, I was placed in a hotel near the home care facility who managed my case. The woman assigned to watch and care for me at the hotel wasn't a good person to me nor her own mother. She would not allow me to leave the hotel room unless I went with her to he mother's home, which is how I witnessed here disrespecting her mother. She also treated and talked to me like I was a child or  thought me to be mentally challenged.  Speaking to Mrs. Morgan daily really gave me encouragement, and she even found ways to get me back to staying at her home. I wasn't related to her at all, but she was fighting for me and made me feel worth rescuing. She listened to me as I talked and we would pray to God to help me be saved. I felt like all of this was happening for a reason, but couldn't really piece it together.

   ​I have a talent of singing, which I cherished deeply. In order to not stress out and remain peaceful during the hotel stay, I would sing and make songs. My songs got a lot of support social media and people would tell me God truly gifted me. I've had the talent since I was small and it made me feel confident about being who I am. When I sing I don't see myself as a helpless young handicapped girl; I see myself as a independent, strong, courageous, smart, and bold young woman.  After some time had passed, God answered my prayers and I was able to go back to Mrs. Morgan. She fought so hard  and strong for me; I never knew someone who isn't biologically related to me would show me that I am seriously worth saving. But it was all God who guided the pieces together. Once I was back with Mrs. Morgan, we would have these long conversations about the future and what it has in store for us. She would constantly talk about her ministry that she's trying to build up, called Aubrey's Foundation, to care for the mentally challenged, disabled, and elderly. I would sit and listen to her, and I would tell her that I'm with her every step of the way, that I'm in support of whatever decision she makes. It's in her heart to help people out there who's crying out to be noticed by someone who's going to help elevate me to another level with my music and singing.Whatever money I gain through my talents I want to help Mrs. Morgan to fulfill her ministry, help my brothers, and to use my gifts for the glory of God. 

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Click here to listen to: I Can't Breathe by Ta'Nyia.